Thoughts on Surrogacy…

Ever since I saw it as a storyline on Friends with Phoebe being a surrogate for her brother’s babies, my mind opened to the idea. Then a few years ago, my good friend became a surrogate for her brother and his wife, who could not carry another child after her first pregnancy. And now that I’ve been pregnant myself and have been blessed with easy pregnancies, my mind and heart are open to the idea. Would/could I ever be a surrogate? 

It’s an interesting thought. There are plenty of couples out there who yearn for a child but who can not carry one themselves, for various reasons. There are plenty of women who miscarry or try so hard to get pregnant for so many years. While I myself have never experienced such a tragic loss or hardship in that sense, I have empathy for those who do. And yet here I am, blessed with easy pregnancies – it was easy for me to get pregnant and it was easy for me throughout the pregnancy. And if my second labor and delivery is anything like the first, it will be an easy birthing experience and recovery as well. So now not only are my mind and heart open to the idea, it’s something that I’ve started actually thinking about. If I could, why wouldn’t I want to help others with something that is easy for me but hard for them?

Maybe I’m having these thoughts because we know that this baby boy will complete our family. As my due date is quickly approaching, I am soaking up all these joys of pregnancy, knowing that it is my last. I am asked every day if I’m “ready to be done” and the answer is NO! I’m not at all. While I am so excited to meet my son, and I’m excited for the challenge of raising a toddler and a newborn at the same time, and I’m excited to nurse again, etc etc etc — I am not excited to be done being pregnant. My husband probably knows it the best; he sees it every day how much I love being pregnant and he is the only one who asks (knowingly) how much I am going to miss it.

Becoming a surrogate would definitely be a family decision. I’ve mentioned it to my husband, but I think at this point, he just chalks it up to a fleeting thought due to my quickly approaching final due date. And obviously my children need me to be completely present and focused on them in the very near future, which I am so excited for. So it will be interesting to see how/if my thoughts on this idea change in the next couple years. I am excited to get my body back and start training for a half and eventually a full marathon, without a pregnancy slowing me down. I am excited to have a glass of wine on a winter night and an ice cold beer on a summer day, without a baby’s health and nutrition keeping me from doing so. But looking at the bigger picture, those are minor excitements that can easily be revisited after another pregnancy.

So while we know we won’t be having another baby after this boy joins us this summer, maybe this isn’t necessarily my last pregnancy. There is just something very appealing to me about helping a couple who desperately want a baby of their own, but need the oven to do it. Maybe I could be that oven for them. It’s just 9-10 months of pregnancy for me, but a lifetime of happiness for them. Obviously there are a lot of legalities to look into, and a lot of details to learn about the IVF process, and I’m not minimizing those huge factors at all. All I’m saying is my mind and heart are open to the surrogacy idea. 🙂


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